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 July/August 2002 |
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The Old Grump One day the old grump turned in his easy chair to see his wife of 37 years standing at the door, suitcase packed. He hadn’t heard a thing about any trip that she was taking. He wondered what had gotten into her.
That story would be funnier if it wasn’t so true. Some folks spend their whole lives trying to find a thousand circuitous routes to letting someone know they care and in the process, avoid the most obvious and direct route. A father once asked me, “As a father, how do you tell your son, ‘I love you?’ ” “For me,” I answered, “the words, ‘I love you’ seem to work very well. It’s kind of hard to misinterpret them.” People never seem to get tired of hearing these words, but they get awfully weary if they don’t. Source: Script #12 for the “Daily Dose” radio program. Mitch Anthony writes and hosts this syndicated radio feature that is heard on 175 stations nationwide. Printed by permission.
Values & Priorities In The Thinker’s Way, author John Chaffee describes the word “value” as “the general term we use to characterize anything that possesses intrinsic worth, that we prize, esteem, and regard highly based on clearly defined standards.” He continues, “Thus you may value your devoted pet, your favorite jacket, and a cherished friendship, each based on different standards that establish and define their worth to you.” In other words, we tend to think of our values in terms of what we treasure the most in life. In addition, values are specific attributes or guiding principles that we highly revere such “integrity,” “loyalty,” and “generosity.”. Values are also the personal motivators that consciously and unconsciously influence how we behave, the decisions we make, and the degree of happiness we experience. These values vary from person to person, but include such intangibles as recognition, challenge, prestige, harmony, security, freedom, and creativity. Lou Tice states in Smart Talk for Achieving Your Potential that each person who chooses to be centered and strong needs to identify their own hierarchy of values. “Sort out for yourself what the essentials are, why you are on earth, what is important to you, and what your life is worth. I encourage you to use affirmations and set goals to bring more of those things that are important to you abundantly into your life.” In a nutshell, your values are what you identify as being most important to you, and your priorities are those same values placed in a ranking of importance. In addition, your values and priorities can be described as an internal compass that guides both the big and little decisions in your life. When you are on a course of action that isn’t aligned with your values and priorities, you will experience a sense of inner conflict. In contrast, when your decisions and behavior are in harmony with your internal compass, you will experience greater life satisfaction.
Financial Confidence Your self-confidence is your own evaluation of your abilities to accomplish a given task. “Stepping outside of my comfort zone” is a phrase many of us use to describe how we feel in situations where we don’t know how well we will perform or how others will respond to us. It is the level of your self-confidence that is likely to determine what goals you will set and what actions you will take. Many individuals can be self-assured in other areas of their lives, but not feel confident when it comes to matters of money management and financial planning. However, the best way to build self-confidence in any area of life is to take action. Each step taken will encourage you to take the next step. If you lack confidence in your financial life, start with “first things first”whether that is balancing your checkbook, organizing your records, or opening an IRA account—just do it! Successful completion of one step towards a financial goal is what will give you the confidence and motivation to move on to the next step. In addition, make a commitment to increase your financial knowledge. Read books, take classes, and talk with a financial advisor. Break down big goals, like refinancing your mortgage or establishing a retirement plan, into small action steps. To the uninitiated, financial decisions and processes like these can seem confusing and overwhelming. However, when viewed step by step, they seem understandable and doable. Accomplishing one goal will give you the courage and motivation to tackle the next financial goal. Keep reminding yourself that knowledge and action will increase your confidence, and put you in the driver’s seat of your own financial life.
The Self-Directed Life
Many of us spend our lives trying to please others or pursing goals that others have set for us. In contrast, the authors of Invest in Yourself advocate the self-designed life, “where you invest your time and energy getting what you want and doing what you believe in—not wasting them on things you don’t really want, but think you should have.” The first step to take, in changing the direction your life, is to clarify your values and priorities. That is because identifying and articulating what is most important to you will increase your self-understanding and strengthen your sense of autonomy. An excellent resource to help you in this process is Values Clarification by Sidney Simon, Leland Howe, and Howard Kirschenbaum. This book is described as “the classic guide to discovering your truest feelings, beliefs, and goals.” In addition, focusing on what is most important to you will keep you on track when making both the big and little decisions in life. We all have multiple and often conflicting demands on our time, talents, energy, and financial resources. The right course of action is not always clear unless we view our options in the context of our values and priorities. As stated by Lou Tice in Smart Talk for Achieving Your Potential, “If you don’t have a hierarchy of values, if you don’t have priorities already in your mind, you don’t know how to make your choices or how to control your reactions.”
Positive Aging Researchers at Yale University reported that having a more positive attitude toward aging extends a person’s life an average of 7.5 years—more years of longevity than associated with other important health and lifestyle factors. For example, low blood pressure and cholesterol are associated with a longer life span of about four years. In addition, having a healthy weight, not smoking, and getting regular exercise extends life one to three years. Researchers at Miami University and Yale looked at how 338 men and 322 women responded to several questions about aging in 1975, and then examined how their responses predicted their survival up to 23 year later. Even after taking into account other factors such as age, gender, socio-economic status, and functional health, those with more positive views on aging lived longer. The research report noted that stereotypes about aging are acquired decades before the person becomes old and are rarely questioned. Dr. Suzanne Kunkel, a co-author of the study, said, “We enter later adulthood with our habitual ways of dealing with stress.” She continued, “People need to learn new strategies to deal with it.” “Our study carries two messages,” said Becca Levy, Ph.D., a researcher at Yale and the study’s lead author. “The discouraging one is that negative self perceptions can diminish life expectancy; the encouraging one is that positive self-perceptions of aging can prolong life expectancy.” Summarizing the study findings, Kunkel concluded, “It illustrates the mind-body connection.” She further related that the key to dealing with stress is learning how to see a situation for what it is and to give it no more power than it needs to have. “Even if we cannot control what happens to us, we can control how we define it.” These findings compliment the results of an earlier study conducted by behavioral scientists at the University of Chicago. They explored patterns of sickness and health to discover who gets sick and why. They classified optimists as “hardy individuals,” people who are likely to maintain good health. The researchers concluded that optimists have a strong belief system that gives them a sense of control over their lives. Sources: “Study: Positive People Live Longer” by Charley Gillespie (Associated Press), Telegraph-Forum, July 30, 2002; “Study: Attitude Can Extend Longevity” by Lee Bowman (Scripps Howard) The Detroit News, July 29, 2002; Passionate Longevity, by Elaine Dember (Macmillan Canada, 1995).
Quality of Life “In the same way that a good Wall Street investment appreciates in value, you want your investments of time and energy to offer high yields. They should make you feel good—happy, satisfied, energized, or relaxed. If you’re lucky, they may even help you make money. ” Marc Eisenson, Gerri Detweiler, “Your dream is a vision of yourself in the near future. What is the future? Not something waiting for you, but something you create through your imagination. The future is possibility waiting for form, the ‘not yet’ waiting to be programmed.” Frederic M. Hudson “Our culture has at its core the idea that more is better. Many of us design our lives around this belief. And yet the underlying qualities that truly affect happiness are not advanced one whit by having more material things. More peace of mind is gained by allowing ourselves to be satisfied with what we already have. More joy is not bought; it is found in our hearts.” Karen Ramsey
Relationship Resources
Whether we’re dealing with an under performing employee, disagreeing with our spouse about money, negotiating with a difficult client, or simply saying “no,” “I’m sorry,” or “I love you,” we all have discomfort with difficult conversations. No matter how competent we are, certain kinds of conversations cause us anxiety and frustration. This book, based on 15 years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, will walk you through a proven step-by-step approach for how to have your toughest conversations with less stress and more success. The authors are Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen.
Author David Bach shows couples how to work together as a team to first identify their core values and then create a financial plan to achieve their goals. He then offers the “three-basket” approach to personal money management by recommending that money be set aside for retirement, security, and transforming dreams into reality. Bach offers couples strategies to avoid money conflicts and build a harmonious, secure, and meaningful future together. He describes his book as a “personal financial road map.” Each chapter covers a single step in the nine step journey to a reaching the “rich life.”
Baby Boomers And Savings Secretary of Labor Elaine L. Chao recently released the final report of the 2002 National Summit on Retirement Savings (held February 27-March 1, 2002) with the message that all generations of Americans need to save for a secure retirement. She stated, “We must understand the personalities of different generations, their attitudes toward finances, and how they view and learn about retirement.” In addition, Chao noted that most individuals know they need to save for retirement, but are often overwhelmed by the prospect. She advocated giving them tools to get them started, and ‘using messages that resonate with the values, behaviors, pursuits, and concerns important to the target audience.” The delegates to the Summit examined the differences in attitudes, behaviors, and concerns important to each generation and at specific life stages. The final report describes these findings and resulting recommendations regarding the messages and approaches for educating various generational groups. Boomers are of particular interest because they are now in the vanguard of the longevity revolution. As noted in the final report, “The sheer size of this generation means that the effect of redefining aging will be felt through all of society.” For example, going back to school, second and third careers, and mid-life parenting are increasingly common. Boomers are also likely to interpret “age” in terms of vitality and not chronology. Likewise they will redefine retirement in terms of freedom, choices, and new challenges rather than comfort and leisure. At the Summit, Maddy Dychtwald, a leading authority on demographics and generational marketing, gave delegates a description of the Boomer profile. Most characteristics are well known such as “independent,” “well educated,” and “mistrust of authority.” However, what is less well known, according to Dychtwald, is that a majority of Boomers are financially illiterate. Only about one-third of Baby Boomers have saved and are financially prepared for retirement. The remaining two-thirds of this generation is not prepared at all. Dychtwald explained that they feel paralyzed by the complexity and range of financial choices and so do nothing. “The average Boomer has $1,300 in their lifetime savings account,” Dychtwald reported. “This is a generation that needs a very strong financial wake-up call.” The final report recommends that outreach to Boomers should take the form of coaching and helpful advice—never authoritarian finger shaking. Sources: “Secretary Elaine L. Chao Release 2002 National SAVER Summit Report,” U.S. Department of Labor New Release, www.dol.gov (September 6, 2002), ; “Saving for a Lifetime: Advancing Generational Prosperity,” The 2002 National summit on Retirement Savings Final Report, www.saversummit.dol.gov. I All rights to content on this site, whole or in
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